Johnny And Al`s Football On Telly...

Johnny And Al`s Football On Telly...

We caught a bit of Time Of Our Lives on Sky - one of the best, Nottingham Forest, featuring Shilts, Kenny Burns and Larry Lloyd. Larry is seriously massive these days, Kenny Burns now looks uncannily like Rene from 'Allo 'Allo, Shilts seemed to be constantly on the verge of doing a huge, programme-ending swear. There were numerous excellent anecdotes about Cloughie, most of which seemed to focus on a) allowing or not allowing players a cup of tea as a motivational tool; and b) encouraging players to drink alcohol before a match, on the coach, in the bath, at full-back, etc etc. Of course, these were the days when chronic, high-functioning alcoholism was a way of life for everyone, and who's to say the world wasn't a better place for it? Well, all logic and evidence, but you know what we mean.

We totally love this show, it managing to be matey but without cloying, nostalgic obviously, but not in a sappy way, and often very funny. Despite the elegiac tone, it's often really insightful and you pick up all sorts of little gems, and what is a football fan who knows nothing of our game's history? We often find ourselves wondering what it would be like in 25 years time, as the reanimated corpse of Jeff Stelling asks some of today's likeable chaps about their glory days:

"Well we was a well tight-nit unit innit: we used to share everyfink... especially burdz."

"I ain't talkin' to you wivout me lawyer, skipper, not after what you done."

"I am considerably richer than you" etc.

Alan Green is not to everyone's taste, in the same way that Marmite, or being tied to a chair and punched repeatedly in the face is not to everyone's taste. At his worst when "fearlessly" bemoaning some match or other that he has been forced to attend for a no-doubt decent salary, he is at his best when he is being a presenter-journalist, not editorialising, and his show for the World Service is an excellent product. The uninspiring title, World Football, belies a programme of impressive depth and breadth. This week, the crisis at Juventus; a narrowly averted player strike at the MLS; and everyone's favourite French footballcrat, Michel Platini, his plans for re-election as Grand High Poobah of Everything and, in particular, his focus on the rise of match-fixing in Eastern European football and the implications for the broader game. There was also a discussion about the possibilities of banning clubs from European competition unless their finances are in order: this would be a sensational development.

The show is cosmopolitan, with experts from hither and yon giving local views, insightful and accessible without being patronising. In short, it's the bizarro-world Match Of The Day.

A regular contributor to World Football is Tim Vickery. He is especially knowledgeable about the South American game, being based out in the land of pubic shave-age, Brazil. Call us old fashioned but we like a journalist who is articulate, knowledgeable and witty and Tim is one of the best there is. A shame he's hidden away from the mainstream. Then again, does the mainstream want intelligence in their football chat?

We highly recommend downloading the podcast of The World Football Phone-in from the 5live website unless you're up all night on a coke and hooker binge and can listen to it when it goes out live., in which case you probably ought to be doing something a bit more racy than listening to the radio.

Alongside Tim's contributions you also, rather brilliantly, get to hear often well-informed people from obscure parts of distant continents talking about English football with more insight than many of the grunting beasts that pollute most of the UK's airwaves. Sometimes it sounds as though they are on a wind-up phone in the middle of some dense rainforest, being stared at by a group of Howler Monkeys all the while talking about Rory Delap's long throws. Wonderful juxtaposition. Non-xenophobes who rather like Americans and think that many know a hell of a lot more about football than most of the mouth-breathers we see on our TV's, can catch more of Tim on the USA based World Football Daily. He also writes a blog on the BBC web site which is the go-to place for all your South American football gravy. We like to open a bottle of Argentinean Malbec while reading it.

Despite having a flat-screen, HD, interstellar overdrive of a television, it's concerning us that the sound on some live games isn't what it used to be. Flicking between Monday night's games at Newcastle on Sky and Manchester City on ESPN, we noticed a big variation. The ESPN crowd sound was muffled.

This may have been the fans snoring throughout a tedious first half, of course; that or the Waddler trying to pronounce penalty properly. Whereas the Sky sound was richer and noisier even allowing for the fact that St James Park had more to cheer about and that at least two of our four ears have been destroyed by standing in front of a massive Mesa Boogie amplifier while playing Black Sabbath riffs. We are no techno boffins, but we like what we like, and we like loud, noisy crowds on our television, not distant murmurings. Perhaps our more technically-minded listeners who have thick glasses and unwashed hair can explain this difference in quality?